One Down, Three To Go

by hozhijie

Just ended my first Finals paper and feeling like crap now. As usual, I thought I could do better without the abrupt nervousness which clogged my mind and if only I stopped skiving and started my revision earlier, not one week before. Consider that I only started learning everything about the module in 5 days, was that performance reasonable or am I just greedy? I can’t help but to feel stupid and undeserving after any paper. I question my academic stature as a scholar and doubt my ability to the core. I frequently reflected and regretted about my late revision. I am demoralised. Yet, I know this feeling will subside after awhile, maybe a day or two, knowing that I will reap what I sow. I suddenly appreciate the concept of grace and silently plead with Him for a less-than-disappointing grade while harboring a vague faith that He will lead me to where I need to regardless of my results.

I have come to understand that setbacks are inevitable in life and I just need to embrace them with no excuses. Typing this gives me hope that my frustration can be relieved at least in its slightest before moving on to my next task in line – something that I intentionally neglected for the whole semester. Time is ticking and little did I realise I have less than 24 hours to make the cut. It’s certain that I need more than a miracle to make it work. I need to.