by hozhijie

just feel like God is not even concerned about me at all. these two days have been terrible. it’s like curse to the smrt trains. I am also heavily criticised when I’ve tried my best and sacrificed a huge chunk of my pride and reputation. I feel like God is deliberately placing all these tribulations to punish me for my disobedience. This dryness is persistent for almost a year already.

My group assignment is tomorrow and I have yet to complete 4 new topics required to do it. Woke up really late in the afternoon today and didn’t get to actualise my plan to do a bit of revision. Woke up in a verbal crossfire between my parents too regarding money issues again.

Right now I’m late for my band practice as I waited for the bus for a good 20 minutes. Ever felt like the whole world is going against u and u are at a real loss with nobody to comfortably count on? I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m diagnosed with depression. It culminated in recent years and I doubt anyone knows it. At one point in time I almost called the counselling hotline. While suicide wasn’t my answer at all, I feel like I’m dying in real life. It sucks.