人緣

by hozhijie

my grandma used to use these 2 words to describe me since young as i often got into arguments with people. today, i think i still bore such a stigma as i constantly find myself conflicting with many parties. these days i really feel dejected by relationships as even those who kept a lookout for me have turned their back or blatantly walked a separate path from me. i kinda feel nobody is really interested in knowing what’s going on in my life and i find it very tiring to keep asking people the same thing to elicit a dissimilar response.

i am also quite perplexed by my financial conditions and i hate how it mildly but surely destroys ties. tbh im living in a deficit even at this point in life. i am dismayed by the streaks of rejections from my relatives whom i used to think i could rely on in trying times. i felt at loss when the last source of help declined with a myriad of reasons. i feel really sorry for my dad who has to clear the mess i am in with such optimism and assurance. he has helped me a lot and i am ashamed of my inability to be financially independent. still, im grateful for the few who have also attended to my needs and you may be reading this now. ios update is a burden right?

if only time could rewind

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