Forever a loan

by hozhijie

these days feel like plans are always cancelled and people are cancelling out on me. Just few days ago, i intentionally missed two outings with two different groups due to some reasons. True to my instinct, no one bat an eye and my absence is pretty invisible. Well, it didn’t really hit me real hard and whenever I think about this, a tinge of disappointment just strikes me. Fancy how all your years of support as a friend didn’t reciprocate others’ support to you. It’s just sad.

These days I also feel dejected how my ideas were always rejected. No one really wants or knows what I want yeah. The group I used to watch all movies together barely watches one with me this year. Otherwise, it still seems forced, not willingly doing so. I approached several people if they wanna go sing karaoke with me only to elicit a myriad of excuses I don’t bother to contemplate anymore. Seems like busyness is of a higher priority than salvaging this poor friend of yours from his perpetual state of despair. Selfish. It just feels like I’m a my rock bottom days of my social and spiritual life. It may get worse.

Emotionally damaged. Financially crippled. Spiritually hollow. Maybe it’s just my pathetic woebegone life.