Don’t flaunt when your only achievements are academics and merely substandard to many. If there’s nothing better to say, don’t speak a word. If tangible comparisons exalt you, think of the people you put down. Do we live in a world where only open rebuttals predispose one to victory? There’s sad. Many a times I held back and realised how defeated I seem to people. Fancy how people just raked up past incidents that made me look like a failure and I just have to pretend I’m alright. Perhaps it’s true how many would remember your mistakes and forget your successes, be it big or small.
Sometimes I’m tired of blending into the norms that are not exemplifying of Christ and my principles. And while that produces some respect, it segregates people in some aspects. I don’t drink, I don’t club, I don’t smoke and I don’t make crude jokes. I can but I won’t. It’s so easy to be enticed and hard to really stand firm with self-control. Yet I always make a point to not cross the limit that can be blurry at times. I won’t venture into this topic for now.
Another thought I have in mind all these while is how much some have changed after their matriculation. Have people become more superficial, more blunt and more ostentatious or have I become more sensitive and nosy? Everyone seems to be good friends with everyone they meet. It’s not just about studies; social life is one area of constant investment and there seems to be sentient grade system to it. Should I be bothered at how some casually remarked I shouldn’t be staying in halls due to the conflicting vibes there? Are there some sort of social prerequisites one has to possess to qualify a place there? It’s bothersome how my personality is being gauged against the classic and basic sometimes. For people to accept me, I should accept myself first – nice to say, hard to do.
Miss Ong reminded me recently of the true competition out there when I enter university. I truly appreciate her encouragement and I will take it to heart. It’s all down to good time management again. I won’t want to disappoint her and everyone who believes in me. It’s openly an arduous route to take and I should mentally prepare myself for it. Linking back to my previous paragraph, I also realise how some have loosely forsaken their past friendships after their enrolment, be it inadvertently or intentionally. I tell myself not to be like them and truly make effort to better or if not sustain the many relationships bestowed upon me. We will see when the true challenge approaches.
I’m typing these on my way home from a classmate’s birthday party. True to be told, it’s not the first time I feel uncomfortable immersing myself in the gathering although I genuinely enjoy myself at times. Speech is a powerful weapon indeed.