maybe it’s just me

by hozhijie

These few days, I feel kinda gloomy in my heart. People just have to do things to trigger that emotional timebomb that I can hardly control. It’s okay when I made fun of myself and call myself an embarrassment but it’s a whole new matter when others say so. If I’m really that unpleasant to go out with, then don’t ever ask me out again. I don’t see any problem with taking a photo in the public with my old friend whom I haven’t met for years, yet others gotta deem it as a shameful thing to do so. I’m called selfish when I didn’t want to share my drinks in the theater when the other party refused to share the cupholder with me preceding the request. I’m penalised for leaving the cashier at the last minute as I decided to have my drinks bought elsewhere. Snapchatting my food being served was a taboo too. I got a feeling recently that many people tend to think that I love to capture every moment to flaunt online, especially with people of some vibes. I’m not. And I’m disturbed by such an impression. I’m tired of pleasing and not getting pleased. I’m disturbed by the childish cold war.


I’m also really exhausted from trying to reach out to people who do not reciprocate. Is it really difficult to reply a simple text which requires a mere yes or no?  Ten times I attempted to organise an outing for a casual catch-up and I elicited eleven refusals. I’m angry at how people just leave my life so casually as they like, especially the ones whom I used to be close with before our college graduation. Relationship is always a two-way channel which predisposes each other to commit, or otherwise it’s doomed to fail. I’m sick of all the excuses given and sometimes a no was not even given. That shows how much sincerity one has in salvaging a friendship, let alone to sustain it. If you can’t endure it, you probably won’t enjoy it.


Maybe the problem just lies in me. Many a times I realised I am a really cantankerous person to work with although I thought I was not. A research once concludes that what you hate in someone is probably a trait that contains in you. I occasionally tend to find people pretentious, bagged with motives and unaccepting. Am I that kind of person in your eyes?


I’m also pretty appalled at the multitude of negative comments posted online regarding the sentence of the CHC leaders. Many of them came across as an attack not solely on the individuals but Christianity in a very subtle manner. Fancy how some actually hoped for a harsher sentence and spare no mercy in the matter. I’m not sure why is there such a hateful response. It just portrays the ugly side of the society – one which is deprived of empathy and mercy. While they are convicted guilty in the eye of the law, why should we make them feel even more remorseful? As spectators, should we exercise our free rights of speech to judge and condemn or observe and encourage? Even if we are entitled to say whatever we want, I don’t think we should always let our tongues blurt out whatever it wants. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives and this entire fiasco is a exemplary in showing how fallible we humans are, as victims and by-passers.


Not gonna send Alika off for his flight later. May he have a safe flight and a good time there.