Severe Night of July

by hozhijie

Severe Night of July
070715; 2100

Ironically, a person who values harmony reaps havoc. Something tragic happened to me today once again, involving people relations; I’ve inadvertently offended a group for reinforcing the system unto them. It’s exacerbated by the words exchanged and the issue is currently brought to the higher up which will soon proceed with the investigation I believe.

Some consoled me by telling me that I have done nothing wrong in the incident. I am not in the losing end. If that’s the case, why do I feel so downcast now and horribly dejected? Perhaps I shall use this time to dissect the reasons for this painful melancholy.

Firstly, maybe I feel that I do not have the necessary support and rapport from the people I believe can provide me with. There’s a fine line between being nosy and being concerned with someone. If people do care, wouldn’t they approach me and lend me their listening ears? It’s sad how my shoulder of support comes from a place intrinsically unrelated to the people placed around me. Yes I am definitely grateful for that pair of ears but after undergone almost a year together, everyone raises eyebrows and no one bats an eye. As a person who is heavily driven by the kind of environment I am in, it’s really not easy to cope with the atmosphere of blatant indifference. How can I thrive when I can’t even survive?

Secondly, maybe I am disturbed by the crude remark I made to the other party which may spark some misunderstandings and eventually unnecessary violent aftermath. I mentioned about playing black or white and the person thought I am labelling him as “black” as in a person who resorts to violence outside the organisation. My belief is strengthened as he casually let out how I may beat him in front of others when I was approached him. Is there a consequence to bear for this? Surely it’s a clear yes and I cannot forsake the possibility of brutality hurled unto me externally. I really need to clarify this with the party.

Thirdly, this incident inevitably has soured relationship and the tension here has been heightened. I abhor such scenario. 

After typing these, I had a talk with Qianhui and she encouraged me with some things I find really true and apt. As not everyone can be pleased, one really just needs at least one person who encourages and that’s enough. It’s heartening that she even put me in her prayer list few nights ago to pray for my army.

Thereafter, I casually approached a friend in my unit who is also a Christian and he is directly placed in charge of the affected party. I elaborated my side of the story to him and we slowly steered towards the spiritual aspect of the incident. We encouraged each other with verses and he even specially took out his devotion book to show me a passage. I’m quite amazed that it’s the later part of Matthew 6, a verse which I closely held in my heart especially in JC. He could relate too.

Immediately when I left the room, I received a call and realised it’s from a person from the party requesting to meet me. Little did I know that he apologised to me followed by a few handshakes. I totally didn’t expect that coming. It certainly resolved the moodiness that was resided in me. I am not surprised that one said that this was God-given.

Seeing these from a bigger picture, I am amazed at how God works and He used a tragedy and turned it into a testimony. Qianhui was actually praying for me after our phone call and the prayer point on me was not written in vain. God has indeed worked around the prayer point and fulfilled His purpose for me.

Tonight is also the seventh night of July and this date never fails to remind me of the classic band piece that many have played and I’m going to be play for my concert this Saturday. It’s about Tanabata where fate forbids a pair of lovebirds from reconciling and they can only meet on this date. Relating to this folktale, I guess I have met God’s wonders once again but not only on one occasion but a prolonged one.

No matter how things turned out later after the interrogation, relationships may change but God’s love and grace do not. As I pen down this, the words of my Christian comrade resonate fondly in me: Have faith. Thanks for reminding me about the most important f word.