murphylol

Anything that can go wrong, will go (embarrassingly) wrong.

Camp

Camp is starting tomorrow and instead of feeling excited, I’m engulfed more with anxiety and apprehension. I guess I have been flooding myself with too much negativity these days as I intoxicate myself with doubts, demoralising beliefs and degrading ideas. I always think I am not cut for this role and I wonder what propelled me to sign up for it. Just awhile ago, I asked my friend why didn’t he sign up for the camp as a leader and he gave a succinct yet thought-provoking reply: That’s not my kind of social activity. I don’t know why but it resonates deeply with me especially when I have a more than fair enough dose of interaction and coordination. Maybe if the work environment radiates a more supportive vibe, I would have enjoyed my appointment a little more. If 2017 were to teach me anything about myself, it would be I’m better working alone or not working in any projects at all, because I fear the mental obligations that interaction burgeons.

I am an over-thinker and many a times an over-doer as well. I tend to finish what I set to accomplish and not leave it half-done. Apparently, such characteristic of mine kinda elicits a response I hate to expect – having people brushing my idea off and not even giving it a try. I am mostly associated with the cringe and awkward connotations that are polar opposite of my goals. I tried, and I’m tired. And yes, I’m just soft and not resilient enough. I’m just not a people-person and I still seek to understand myself as a person.

Enough with the vague rants, I really hope the camp will turn out better than expected. Till Friday.

-2216

21 Going 22

2358

Gonna reflect my 21st year on Earth in a prayer.

Dear Lord,

Thank You for bringing me through the past year. While it wasn’t a smooth journey (since when it ever does?), I suppose valuable lessons are learnt and I’m still learning. Looking back, I regrettably admit that I have made mistakes after mistakes and not turning a new leaf after each trial. I guess the costs are paid and I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s any future costs to be made. Yet among those grave decision I made, the gravest one would be to drift away from You. I know I need draw near but worldly distractions and temptations have been deterring me.

For this 22nd year, I pray for greater spiritual maturity to embrace my impending circumstances. I pray for a more meaningful lifestyle and sensible experience. Please grant me greater self-control and foresight to conquer what’s coming my way and let me once again be Your Light and testimony. Today, people recognise me by the M word but allow me to exemplify Jesus this time forth. I pray that all aspects of my life will be back on track and no longer I’ll be the sloth I am who procrastinates everything.

Amen

 

P.S. The day didn’t start with a good note but a quarrelsome one. Disappointment just reinforces disappointment. 0046

One Down, Three To Go

Just ended my first Finals paper and feeling like crap now. As usual, I thought I could do better without the abrupt nervousness which clogged my mind and if only I stopped skiving and started my revision earlier, not one week before. Consider that I only started learning everything about the module in 5 days, was that performance reasonable or am I just greedy? I can’t help but to feel stupid and undeserving after any paper. I question my academic stature as a scholar and doubt my ability to the core. I frequently reflected and regretted about my late revision. I am demoralised. Yet, I know this feeling will subside after awhile, maybe a day or two, knowing that I will reap what I sow. I suddenly appreciate the concept of grace and silently plead with Him for a less-than-disappointing grade while harboring a vague faith that He will lead me to where I need to regardless of my results.

I have come to understand that setbacks are inevitable in life and I just need to embrace them with no excuses. Typing this gives me hope that my frustration can be relieved at least in its slightest before moving on to my next task in line – something that I intentionally neglected for the whole semester. Time is ticking and little did I realise I have less than 24 hours to make the cut. It’s certain that I need more than a miracle to make it work. I need to.

Disappointment

545am: These days, I am flooded with leadership commitments that I have voluntarily taken up. I wonder what really motivated me to assume these roles but my slightest reflection tells me that it is certainly not to polish my portfolio. Perhaps I wanted to know more people, to keep myself preoccupied so I can stop playing my games, to make myself seem more useful, or to really just have fun. While I enjoy my fruit of labor after doing so much administrative work, I can’t help but to feel empty and to some extent, a little upset with how things are progressing. Forging bonds is not as easy as it seems and many a times, I feel like my effort is taken for granted. People just don’t reciprocate with appreciation but I shall acknowledge this is actually normal and only natural. Past experiences have shown me that my biggest flaw is to expect to receive when I give. This is one reason why sometimes I was not happy doing what I was tasked to do. I believe I have improved a little with time but these feelings just linger on a little every now and then.

I have also come to realise the importance of having good team dynamic with the people I work with. Few weeks ago, I ended an event project with a team I do not regard with respect at all. The three-month course of collaboration only reveals the true colors of people which I am deeply disturbed with, but not conveyed across. It came across as trying to fill up that position merely for the adornment of one’s cv, neglecting the needs of others and pushing responsibilities around. Can you imagine how would it be to handle the work alone which is meant for the entire team and not being shown concern, support and encouragement? No one bat an eye and things only worsened with the repeated rejections of my little suggestions to make things better. In the end, when things went awry, oh everyone naturally pointed their fingers at me. I am the biggest loser who did not know how to stand up for myself.

After doing so much shitwork, I chanced upon a hearsay that someone in my team thought I was eccentric. At first, I laughed it off, thinking that it was funny and not a big deal. Little did I know I was actually perturbed by such a tiny comment. Negative feedback set in and I begin to question many things like how am I gonna forge bond when this is the kind of impression I etched upon others? At times I feel like people only think for themselves, only wanting to go with the flow effortlessly and then reap the harvest together. Or maybe that’s just life and that’s the premise for the existence of leaders. It would be nice to receive encouragement like ‘hey let me know if you ever need help’ or ‘thanks so much for coming up with this’. Am I expecting a lot or just being too sensitive as usual? I don’t display it but deep down, that would soothe my mental stress a lot.

It’s 559am and I’m still up typing this, not feeling a tinge of tiredness. Yes, my body clock has officially turned upside down as though I’m in another timezone. Am I bothered by this? Very certainly, yes I do. I very much miss the times when I considered 1am as late and then woke up at 630am to embrace the day. It might be dreadfully tiring but at least, things were more productive. Right now, I either pulled through the day with no sleep or just slept through the day till late afternoon. It’s really bad and I believe its adverse health effects are imminent  albeit not obvious. I need help.

I also need help in my gaming addiction. Last night, an exclusive in-game event was held which encouraged players to pump in real cash for virtual currency to enhance our equipment. It typically known not to be missed. So I decided to spend $80 in the event, convinced that it’s gonna be my only investment. But my luck failed on me repeatedly, so much so that I spent another $90 on it to reap no results at all. Literally throwing my cash away. I was honestly filled with immerse anger and guilt thereafter, really wanted to bash my self more than the game. In fact, I am still in the same state, only toned down. A leopard never changes its spots – I guess I’m just that stubborn, susceptible to temptations and stupid. I really want things to change. end 607am.

3rd set of results

Just got back my 3rd mid term results for a year 2 module. Didn’t do better than expected and for the 3rd time, I’m below the median. Demoralised, I guess I have overestimated myself. Commitments are kicking in like never before too. Concert is coming in 2 weeks’ time and I’ve kinda underprepared. Passion seems to be diminishing. While I am glad those friends have bought the tickets to my concert took the initiative to do so, I am also somewhat disappointment at those who responded with a spectrum of excuses. This makes me realise it’s actually a phase to feel this way every time a concert is nearing lol. I start to think that this is actually an indication of genuine friendship although it doesn’t apply to everyone. But what’s for sure is those I’ve approached and invited personally are those I really hope I can garner support from.

MidTerms

Just ended my Maths paper an  hour ago and I found out that I’ve made at least 3 mistakes upon 10 not long after. After many hours of dedication into completing the various past years papers, it seems like I am just back to being mediocre. Maybe I shouldn’t cry over spilled milk although I have this perpetual feeling to keep demoralising myself with unhealthy thoughts like I’m never good enough. I had another paper in the afternoon amid my severe lack of sleep. It was shaky and I wouldn’t want to think about it. The state of being disappointed hasn’t been this overwhelming for long. I just hope I can be more careful next time. And till now, the regret and guilt of spending too extravagantly on my game still linger on. How I hope time can rewind for me to not fall into that temptation. How I wish I can be less prone to tragedies in life.

MidTerms – Midway of Sem

It’s dawn and more importantly, it’s the midpoint of Semester Two already. Remember the resolutions I have made earlier on? I guess it’s time to review them.

1. Quit gaming
– Okay this is actually the motivation that makes me blog now. At first, I really stuck to my promise as I indeed spent lesser and lesser time on gaming. I sold some of my equipment and got back a handsome sum of a grand. I found out how much carefree I could be when I am not bound to the game. Life began to spark new meanings and I was contented with my progress although some friends still doubt my determination to quit. Judging from what I just wrote, you would have guessed something unfortunate has happened and you’re right.

Today is the end of Recess Week and two nights ago, I decided to pop up in the game for some stress relief. I would do that occasionally. But this time, something sinister got hold of me and little did I know, I have thrown in the one plus grand that I had painstakingly retrieved. I am back to square one. When I woke up after sleeping with a flummoxed, remorseful mood, the guilt and regrets still lingered on – even till now. Temptations are so sneaky and scheming; I never knew I can be such vulnerable victim to be toyed with. Suddenly, a swarm of worries just overwhelmed me as I fret over my financial capability to endure the summer break with an impending overseas exchange that doesn’t come cheap too. If you’re reading this and had always hoped I leave the game, I’m sorry to disappoint. The most I can do is to assure you I will prioritise my commitments over this. I must not repeat the same mistake that toppled my previous sem.

2. Be early, not punctual
On a more positive note, I think I have become more time-conscious.

3. Sleep early
LOL it’s 7am now and I’m still wide awake. I slept at 10am last ‘night’ so you can say my body clock is tragically inverted. Please help.

4. Be less spendthrift
lol no.

5. Keep fit
Just took my IPPT on Thursday and guess what? I have gotten a pass with incentive! Given my already crippling fitness and lack of training, this is considered good for me. I thank God for giving me that fateful 13:30min on the dot to clinch that reward. I remember wanting to give up after the second round of run but I told myself to push on and keep jogging. In the last hundred meter, I looked at my watch and realised I had only thirty seconds to make the cut and whereupon, I garnered all my will to make that dash. The timing shown after crossing the gantry elicited the greatest sense of relief which I had long experienced. The run was indeed a challenge. I also thank my suite neighbour Gareth for encouraging me to train my push ups and sit ups with him from time to time. And also Shawn for accompanying me for IPPT and then dinner hehe. Too bad he was 4 seconds away from Silver lol.

6. Live the Godly life
Hmm while I have not attended any services since then, I have made it a point to attend the fellowship in my college every week. It’s been a very encouraging community. I really hope to do more.

7. Maintaining relationship
Made some good friends in my course in a short span of two semesters and I consider it a blessing. Recently, some exchanges of words kinda make me evaluate the kind of friends I need in my life. Maybe I shouldn’t bother with people who never want to bother me in the first place.

8. Others
Signed up for 3 OGL roles in the summer break and may be the house head for my faculty one. It’s gonna be nerve wrecking yet exciting. I hope I am not over-committing myself as I just wanna spend the break meaningful. I also signed up for this OCIP to Nepal and am chosen to be the head of the fundraising team. I never knew the preparation phase for this project is so taxing as we are expected to accomplish so much in a short span of three months. Halfway through the proposal vetting, some of us feel that perhaps postponing it to December may be a better idea. I’m not sure what’s with the rush but since the terms are already accepted, I should just fulfill my role diligently and take it as a form of challenge, reaping the fruit of labor when the actualisation comes.

My studies are considered on track but I need to buck up more. This sem, I took only 4 graded modules as compared to 6 intensive ones the last time. The difference in workload is obvious and I wonder how I managed to pull through the previous sem with such happy go lucky attitude. I really hope to do well this sem. I need that sense of urgency back.

It’s 713am and although I feel like writing more, I can feel the lethargy floating in. Till next time.

Should I be dejected over these rejections?

These days are reeked with a seemingly endless chain of rejections but I’m kinda glad I am not underwhelmed by them. I’m not sure if I’m already used to the perennial state of losing things or I am just ‘optimistic’ as described by some people who witnessed my setbacks. Come to think of it, 2014 – 2016 has been plagued with countless tribulations which I shall summarise the major ones here:

April 2014 – Broken a public bond with SPF within a week of employment
October 2014 –  Lost two military equipment in a span of two weeks
March 2015 – Cyberbullied by a batallion of soldiers
April 2015 – Grandma passed on after getting hit by a van
May 2015 – Withdrawal from overseas competition
December 2016 – Rejection from MOE Internship Programme
January 2016 – Rejection from DSTA Internship Programme
December 2016 – Withdrawal from prestigious University Programme

– and these possibly attributed to a downward spiral of my motivation, faith and attitude in life. I guess my gaming addiction is just a way to ease my stress. Coupled with the many intermittent setbacks, it’s really hard for me to stand firmly on two feet embracing the reality of life. They say it takes time to recover from a trauma and that’s exactly what I have done. Still, life goes on and I have to move on and not be permanently trapped as a prisoner of the past. Yes, the pain and stigma still linger on but let’s man up to face reality.

Recently, I am told not to accept my exchange programme because I was only offered initially due to my placement in the prestigious programme as aforementioned. I am indifferent towards such a response maybe because I have already mentally prepared myself for it…or am I just immune to setbacks once again?

This morning, Amelia texted me to inform me I did not make it past the audition I performed for a role in a short film. The friend I went with got the role though. I’m happy for him and I feel a little pity inside. Am I ever good enough? As I reflect, I recall thinking about the possible repercussions of getting that role which entails a certain degree of fame and attention. Do I really want to be in a limelight after the dramatic furore of cyberbullying two years back? Maybe I should just sit seatbelted in my comfort zone like a tortoise. Negativity aside, I told myself to regard it as a positive experience, nonetheless, to be able to challenge myself in front of a camera.

Back in school, I commonly hear people discussing or sharing about their plans to go for summer immersion programme or student exchange programme, or even the intention to take a certain module semester in advance. Yet here I am, only limiting myself to see what’s going on at most 2 weeks ahead. The lack of foresight and farsightedness really got me worrying about my future that seems rather bleak. Is anyone out there on the same boat as me?

Currently, I have two main dilemmas. The first dilemma lies on whether I should continue to play in the University band I have joined for the past semester or should I focus on my studies and other commitments. In JC, I told myself not to join band to explore other interests and yet I found myself caught in the band-wagon again. The required commitment in the band is rather high with 3 sessions per week. The repertoire for our upcoming concert in March is almost inscrutable to me which entails more practice outside allocated schedules. Secondly, I’m also in a quandary if I should sign up for the Netherlands band competition held in July for two weeks or should I not go and commit myself to being an OGL that period. Many factors are considered here – financial cost, commitment level and experience. The cost of the trip is hefty for me and heading for it means I must really study to maintain my scholarship. It’s indeed a once in a lifetime experience and I have never travelled to Europe at all. Or should I just settle for a less happening summer break as a OGL? I hope to make up my mind soon.

I’m impressed by myself that I actually spent two hours blogging amid my sleeplessness. Till next time.

 

1802.

 

Resolutions

Though late, I shall briefly post some of my resolutions for the new year:

1. Quit gaming
–  Have been progressing rather well as I seldom play it now. Not playing the game frequently makes me realise how time can better spent and optimised to do productive and meaningful work.

2. Be early, not punctual
– Being late seemed inherent in me and I felt guilty every time I kept someone waiting. I’m glad the frequency of me being late has lessened and I have gained an increasing sense of urgency

3. Sleep early
– Not achieved for the past 22 days as I’m still trying to calibrate my body clock to a more human condition. It’s 445pm now and that clocks 25 hours of sleeplessness. Blame it on that tempting dose of caffeine I had at 3am last night. I’m so glad I survived the day effortlessly.

4. Be less spendthrift
– This has always been something I need to work on as I tend to splurge all my money recklessly. I guess I have been pampering myself too much so much so that I neglect my long-term well-being. Recently, I bought a wireless earphone for forty bucks and immensely regret it as it doesn’t seem to look presentable. Paying two hundred bucks for my long due phone bills aches me. Given the financially precarious state of my family, I really gotta mind my spending habits wisely and not spend it unnecessarily but only on stuff that matter.

5. Keep fit
– So far, there has been no progress here as my erratic lifestyle has forbidden me from working out in a conducive manner. After getting my body clock fixed, it’s time for me to work towards a healthy lifestyle. I admit I have been damaging my body extensively with the diet and habits I exhibit. I should not take it for granted. IPPT is due in less than four months’ time which means I ought to start real soon.

6. Live the Godly life
– I believe my faith is instrumental in determining the lifestyle and attitude I have. By putting God first, I trust that I can embrace any challenges more sensibly and courageously instead of escaping from them by indulging in computer games. After all, I have seen His goodness over the years and I confess the past year of backsliding has not been comfortable. I pray that I can be blessed with the wisdom to run the race.

7. Maintaining relationship
– As a sensible young adult, I need to learn to respect my parents more and honor them in any way I can. While my mum always gets on my nerves with all that she does and says and it’s not hard to accommodate to that albeit living together for the past two decades, the very least I can start doing is to control my temper. Dad has been very hardworking as he works overnight to feed the household and I wouldn’t want to burden him more. My worst fear right now is to lose my scholarship which will incur further financial cost. That thus gives greater reason to why I have to start studying hard and not game anymore. Sis seems to have an idea of her desired career as a nurse. While my dad opposes to her, I support her ambition and am quietly delighted that she has matured (she has even worked part-time in a bakery last December holiday).

Some friends come and go but few stay for a lifetime. I am grateful that we have been maintaining contact and taking time to catch up despite our hectic schedules. University life has been falling in place in a social sense as lunch buddies turn up naturally every day. Lectures are made less dreadful with a constant company. Suite mates are amicable and great to hang out with. Relationship takes two hands to clap. While I am still not over some friendships that were forged in JC ended miserably with reasons unbeknownst to me, I am hopeful that the people I associate myself with may not just be seasonal friends.

One day I hope to chance upon this post and discover how much improvement have I made.

510pm

2016

*Wipes away cyber dust*

After months of hiatus, guess what? I’m back with more updates about the life of mine that has been so plagued with all sorts of setbacks. I think I shall skip all the tiny highlights and move on to the more important ones as follows:

Studies:

 

 

 

 

As you can see, it wasn’t a decent set of results at all. In the fateful noon when I refreshed the window and received it, I remember my emotion was more of relief than sadness. The relief then ensued with remorse for various reasons. Notwithstanding of such deplorable results, I’m relieved because I managed to get above C for all of them which means I need not waste my S/U to retake the modules. I’m also relieved because for the disgusting amount of effort I’ve put in, I still managed to do so. Imagine cramming the entire module only the night before. Yup I am living my life on the edge and taking too many things for granted.

I’m actually quite impressed by GER1000 where I got an unexpected A- and disappointed by UTW1001V that got a mediocre B. In these 2 cases, the effort invested is probably in contrary to the grades received. GER1000 is truly the one the saved my ass which I shall explain why later on. The other 2 Bs are also a miracle for the number of questions I can confidently do during exams which can be counted with my fingers alone. The other 2 core mods got a C+ which are understandable.

This Wednesday, I received a call to attend an interview with the new director of my programme in regards to my results. I supposed the interview was meant to understand my circumstances that may have led to such ridiculous grades for a Scholar who scored straight As during A Level. The session was a friendly one and I didn’t hold any expectation for the panel of two interviewers to retain me in the programme. I was told that the results would be known to me by that evening, whereupon I waited anxiously throughout the night to no avail. For four consecutive mornings thereafter, I woke up with puffy eyes and groggy mind to anticipate the email futilely. It was only earlier on, on the eve of the New Year, that it was disclosed to me on a bus ride. Natasha and Melwin were with me then and they consoled me by getting bubble tea HAHA. Thanks for the thought but I believe my indifference to the outcome was due to the fact that I have taken time to compose and prepare myself to embrace the worst outcome, which is to be ”recommended to leave from the programme”.

What’s at stake for me, you may ask? Well, the direct impact would be me not able to graduate within 4 years with a Masters’ degree and that means the redundancy to overload my modules each semester. Some, upon hearing the news, comforted me by saying it’s better to just leave and make full use of the ordinary four years without any need to cram and squeeze. Even the director who interviewed mentioned ”well, if you’re passing through a beautiful scenery, what help does speed do?”. Truth to be told, I am actually more than fine to do beyond the normal curriculum and that’s the basis of me signing for this programme. Semester 1 had also convinced me that it is quite doable if I were to manage my time and priorities better. I just need to be more disciplined and focused. Still, it’s too late to say these because the door has been closed. Right now, I’m quite determined to conquer Semester 2 although I’m still weighed down with some doubts. As transient as the programme lasts, I’m very grateful for the friends whom I’ve met there. Thanks for laughing with me for my poignant state of life and also encouraging me along the way. We were once on the same boat; while I may have sailed off alone, it’s still a great voyage.

I guess God has been gracious to me during this episode although it’s like a privilege taken away. I’m not sure why I’m not given a grace period of one semester but I trust that there will be greater things coming my way. I’m also grateful that I am allowed to keep my scholarship as my SU-ed grades made the mark. I only pray I won’t be suddenly informed that it’s revoked because that would make the cost of my actions too heavy for me to bear. I have S 5 out of the 6 modules taken which means I only have three more modules to SU in the future. How risky is such a scenario? Well, I certainly reaped what I’ve sown and should not whine so much. What’s my plan moving forward, Bryan asked. I think there is no looking back and I should keep my goals clear and strive for them. I really want to find back my old self who is so driven, determined and disciplined. I shall list down my resolutions soon.

Relationship
I’m usually bad at remembering stuff so I won’t delve much into this. Over 2016, as army ends and new lifestyles were embarked, I have met several people whom have made each moment we shared so memorable. From Miss Lee (my boss in the tuition centre I’ve worked for months) to my peers staying in the same residential college and to my friends in the same course, they are truly a fun and great bunch of people to know. For the familiar people, I’m glad many of us have chosen to maintain or even further our friendship through meet-ups. I’m heartened to know that there are also comrades from army who truly care.

Still, it’s not without its downs as along the way, some misunderstandings occurred sometimes. Yet, I’m fortunate to have people taking initiative to smooth things out. 2016 is also a year where many friends beside me turned 21 where birthday parties came one after another. I thank those who have invited me to celebrate your joyous occasion. Well, sometimes I may feel disappointed I didn’t get invited to certain parties, I guess I just have to understand that feelings are not always mutual. I truly thank the group of you for organising a surprise 21st birthday for me on my special day. I hope 2017 will be a more fruitful year for relationships to grow and prosper.

Image may contain: 12 people, people smiling, indoor

Health
This is probably the most neglected aspect of my life since 2015 lol. I think I may have compromised my health as a therapy for the stress accumulated from the past traumas. I may look slim but my belly always protruded out haha. I had also barely exercised over the year and gave in to much sedentary work. IPPT is impending and I really need to step up my game. I think I have also aged a bit in appearance…?

Faith
I said it before and there’s no shame in me to claim that I have backslid in the midst of the year for various reasons. I stopped attending services and cell group sessions and spent the weekends behind the screen for various reasons. Am I happy about my lifestyle? For all the pleasure my leisure provided, I know deep down this isn’t the life I should be living. I still believe in God but my spirit is willing but body is weak. My erratic lifestyle didn’t encourage me to attend morning services and my personal beliefs stopped me from attending the hippy youth service. I am not propelled to go for cell group session too, even now. Nonetheless, I’m thankful for RC4Jesus that had provided a platform every week for sharing and worshiping. I’m still trying to overcome the worldly temptations and continue my walk with Him.

As the clock struck 12 just now, I began to worship on my own and the three songs I have sung seemed to strike me that in 2017, I shall learn to honor Him in all that I do and know that in all seasons, I’m safe in His arm. I’m convinced by what I feel and know that as long as I surrender myself to Him, everything shall be straightened out.

 

Family
I’m glad things improved so much since years ago. No more violence and no more incessant arguments. While there may be some intermittent rifts, it’s resolved quickly and we moved on. I only pray that my dad’s health can be better as he fell sick frequently from working over the night. My mom has also been retrenched recently as her company closed but it’s good she has found a new job. My sister seemed to be sensible as she spent the holiday working long hours although it’s meant for her KPOP concert soon lol. My wish for 2017 is that we can be more bonded and love can be more visibly shown.

Others:
If you ask me, 2016 was 90% Mapling and 10% actually living. It’s bad, I know. But I shouldn’t forget that I have also taken part in 3/4 concerts. My clarinet playing skills have deteriorated since JC but I’m glad to still pursue such passion. For other commitments, I am guilty I didn’t put in effort to participate, especially the interest groups in my RC LOL. I have also skipped more than half of the breakfast ordered, slept as late as 5/6am daily in school and woke up only for dinner. Mcdelivery was my best friend as I camped the night not studying.

All in all, I shall say that 2016 was quite a wasteful year for the incorrigibly terrible lifestyle I lived. It has zoomed past like it never happened before and I promise I could have done many things more productively. It felt like I’m been placed to go through a life that is so messed up and I probably will not do it again. Writing this enlightens me about that. I shall post my 2017 resolutions soon.

 

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